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Ten Tried and True Ways a Nobody Can Become Famous Via the Internet

Ever want to be famous?  We all secretly harbor delusions of gandeur, but luckily, the Internet has provided even the least likely celebrity candidate the ability to blog, film, podcast, tweet, blip, digg their way to pseudo-stardom.  So, if you want to be famous, take a page from one of the following totally ordinary people that are legends in your living room because of the big bad "inter-web."

(I've noticed something most of the following have in common... sex.  Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs anyone?  I'm thinking if you stay down at the bottom of this pyramid, you just might be successful on the Internet.)

1.       Chronicle your sex life and you just might get a book deal

a.       Tucker Max

If you are easily offended, don't go to this site, if not... please, go and enjoy the fruits of Tucker Max's debauched lifestyle which he so willing chronicles.  This is simply the most disgusting and grossly entertaining site on the Internet.  So entertaining, I had to buy and read the book, twice.  This guy is a pseudo Ivy League (Duke simply does not play in our League, but it is still a decent little education) educated lawyer that basically blogs about his drunken sexual exploits in the most hilariously despicable stories you will ever read.  He is the modern day Marquis De Sade with a pickled liver and insufferably sacrelicious ego.

My favorite post: The Famous "Sushi Pants" Story although The Absinthe Donuts Story comes in a close second.

The Book: I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell or you can get the autographed copy (however, having read the book and the blog and having seen CSI and learned about "transfer" I might not recommend it unless you have a black light and luminal.)

b.      Washingtoniene - Jessica Cutler

In 2004 while a staff assistant for Senator Michael DeWine, Cutler published a short-lived blog called Washingtonienne describing her life in Washington, D.C. which included graphic details of her sex life which eventually led to huge sex scandal (because she is an idiot that was chronicling her hooker job with politicians online and simultaneously pissing off the only friend she had that knew both about the hookering and the blog) and a spread in Playboy.

Archive of the blog that took Washington by storm: Washingtonienne

The Book:  Washingtonienn, The

The most damning piece of puerile, ridiculously whorish thing in her blog....

Cutler identified her lovers by their initials: "F = married man who pays me for sex. Chief of staff at one of the gov agencies, appointed by Bush."; "W = a sugar daddy who wants nothing but anal. Keep trying to end it with him, but the money is too good"; "RS = my new office BF with whom I am embroiled in an office sex scandal. The current favorite."

At the end of the list, she added: "Shit. I am fucking six guys. Ewwww." 

Her identity was revealed by the blog "Wonkette" in May 2004, which resulted in a scandal on Capitol Hill.

2.       Be a Geek and talk about totally geeky things in a condescending or negative way, even criticize your own employer, you just might get a book deal out of it.

a.       Robert Scoble

Robert Scoble (born January 18, 1965) is an American blogger, technical evangelist, and author. Scoble is best known for his popular blog, Scobleizer, which came to prominence during his tenure as a technical evangelist at Microsoft. He is married to Maryam Ghaemmaghami Scoble. He has two sons, Patrick, from a previous marriage, and Milan. He currently works for Fast Company as a video blogger. He is also the co-author of Naked Conversations: How Blogs are Changing the Way Businesses Talk with Customers with Shel Israel.

Basically Scoble was a total dick while at Microsoft often criticizing his own employer and praising its competitors (such as Apple Computer and Google). He was unusual in the level of access he offered to his users, which included publishing his cell phone number on his blog and urging people to contact him directly with issues, as well as accepting comments on his blog. His support for Microsoft in his blog, however, drew controversy and in February 2005, he became the first person to earn the newly coined moniker of "spokesblogger."

The Book: Naked Conversations: How Blogs are Changing the Way Businesses Talk With Customers

b.      Tech Crunch - Michael Arrington

J. Michael Arrington is a serial entrepreneur and the maintainer of TechCrunch, a blog covering the Silicon Valley technology start-up communities and the wider technology field in USA and elsewhere. Magazines such as Wired and Forbes have named Arrington one of the most powerful people on the internet.  In 2008, he was selected by TIME Magazine as one of the most influential people in the world.

3.       Be the first person on a social network and whore yourself out to everyone by saying you might be bi-sexual and you might get an VH-1 reality show

a.       Tila Tequilla

A breakout my space unsigned music star Tila's page has netted 31.5 million hits, has her own clothing line, a cell phone endorsement, and she has appeared on the cover of Stuff Magazine as well as Maxim.  And she even got an MTV show out of it.  Tila was basically one of the first members of MySpace and actually helped it grow its use and membership in the early days.

She is known for her appearances in Stuff, Maxim, Time, Penthouse, her role as host of the Fuse TV show Pants-Off Dance-Off and her position as the most popular artist on MySpace (according to page views) as of April 2006.  Eventually landing her a reality TV show where she explores her bi-sexuality in A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila and A Shot at Love II with Tila Tequila.

4.       Break a MAJOR story about sex and a president

a.       Matt Drudge

Who doesn't know who Matt Drudge is?  Matthew Nathan Drudge is the American proprietor and editor of the Drudge Report, a conservative news aggregation website that that in 1998 broke the news which later became the Monica Lewinsky scandal.  I love this guy and I am unashamed to admit it.  He totally took news that no one else had the balls to publish (Newsweek and USNews were both holding onto information about Monica, Linda Tripp and a little black dress but claimed the intel was not trustworthy enough).  Yet, one lowly little blogger, has the chutzpah to go the distance and post it on his little blog and that little act resulted in the ever infamous "I did not have sex with woman" and the ever popular "it depends on what your definition of "is" is." Oh yeah, and that little close call with impeachment of a Democratic President.

5.       Support a presidential candidate on YOUtube with a sexy video

a.       Amber Lee Ettinger singing 'I Got a Crush...On Obama'

For all of you that are attractive and talented, you can always shoot a sexed up music video endorsing a presidential candidate.  Follow in the footsteps of the Obama Girl.  Amber Lee Ettinger  is an American actress and model best known as Obama Girl in her online video "I Got a Crush... on Obama" - referring to 2008 presidential candidate Barack Obama - which has earned her scores of media appearances, from a part in a Saturday Night Live sketch with Fred Armisen as Obama to an interview on Geraldo at Large with Geraldo Rivera.

Got no talent?  Fear Not.  Take a page from YouTube celeb, Lisa Nova and go crazy funny on Sarah Palin.

6.       Pretend to be something you are not, attract pedophiles and cash in on your YOUtube status

a.       Jessica Rose (Lonleygirl15) and her fictional teenage life are the model for this web of lies that resulted in an internet phenomenon and surprisingly not an FBI sting for "To Catch a Predetor."  Basically, "Bree" complains about how lonely she is to her webcam and hungry men everywhere tune in.  The discovery that Bree was actually actress Jessica Lee Rose received much media coverage in September 2006.  Jessica turned her YouTube celebrity status into a real career with parts in Sivertson film I Know Who Killed Me, which starred Lindsay Lohan but received terrible reviews and the ABC Family TV series Greek.

7.       Call yourself a model, take some semi pro pics and setup a website and eventually other people will think you're a model and eventually get called to host a TV show about gambling, which has nothing to do with modeling (and they wonder why we all think models are dumb)

a.       Cindy Margolis

Cindy Margolis emerged as a star in the early days of the Internet. She was named Yahoo! Internet Life magazine's "Queen of the Internet" from 1996-1999. She also found her way into the 2000 Guinness Book of World Records as a result of being the "most downloaded" person in 1999 - a statistic that has no way of being accurately measured. At the age of 34, the peak of her popularity, Margolis was downloaded 70,000 times in a span of 24 hours.  Cindy turned her internet fame into multiple spreads in Playboy and teamed up with the World Poker Tour to become the new hostess for Chipleaders.

8.       Film yourself with a live WebCam 24/7 and take donations

a.       Jenni Ringley - JenniCAM

In April 1996, during her junior year at Dickinson College, the 19-year-old Ringley installed a webcam in her college dorm room, and provided images from that cam on a webpage. The webpage would automatically refresh every three minutes with the most recent picture from the camera. Anyone with Internet access could observe the often mundane events of Ringley's life. JenniCam was one of the first web sites that continuously and voluntarily surveyed a private life. Her first webcam contained only black-and-white images of her in the dorm room.

 From 1996 to 2003 viewers around the world could tune in 24/7 to see updated pictures of Jenni Ringley cleaning the kitchen, to taking a nap for 15.99 a year. Jenni closed down the site in 2003 due to PayPal's pornography rules.  Basically, in the end there ended up being more than just cleaning the kitchen and napping going on which is likely why it had so many viewers.  I, myself, logged on and tuned in from time to time but all I ever saw was the napping and cleaning the kitchen which was totally boring, I also did not find her particularly attractive, so I never really figured out the allure of the whole thing.

9.       Become a raging QUEEN and publish some totally catty gossip about celebrities and get Fergie to write a song about what an ass you are

a.       Perez Hilton

Working as writer for gay magazines Mario Armando Lavandeira Jr. quit his job and since September 2005 has been working under the surname Perez Hilton. Sued twice, his blog site tripled hits when he was the first to post pictures of Angelina, Brad and Maddox in Kenya, and also the first to post Collin Farrell's sex tape. Hits jumped in one month from 70,000 hits per day to 700,000 making Perez a celebrity in his own right. 

Mario Armando Lavandeira, Jr. is an American blogger and television personality. His blog is Perezhilton.com (formerly PageSixSixSix.com), which he writes under the pseudonym Perez Hilton. On his website, Lavandeira posts gossip items about musicians, actors and celebrities. He often posts tabloid photographs over which he has added his own captions or "doodles." His blog has garnered both positive and negative attention for its brash attitude, its active "outing" of alleged closeted homosexual celebrities and for its role in the increasing coverage of celebrities in all forms of media.  On March 11, 2005, within the first six months of Lavandeira's blogging career, PageSixSixSix.com was named "Hollywood's Most-Hated Website" by The Insider, catalyzing an initial surge in its popularity which temporarily crippled its server.  Pop singer Fergie has confirmed that she is referring to Lavandeira in her 2006 song "Pedestal," in which she criticizes an unidentified person for making negative remarks about her on the internet.  On July 13, 2007, Lavandeira announced on the tv show The View that he will star in his own reality television show on VH1. The series of six one-hour episodes, titled What Perez Sez, aired its first part on September 11, 2007

10.   Over choreograph a music video involving treadmills and maybe you too can get asked to perform at the MTV Music Video awards

a.       OK Go - Here It Goes Again 

The video features a boy band dancing choreography on treadmills. Choreographed by front man Damian Kulash's sister Trish the band practiced 16-20 times before they landed the single take that became one of the most watched clips in you tube history. The video made for only $4.99 (the cost of the videotape), the video became one of the most downloaded videos in you tube history.  I think this video is like Internet Prozac.  Every time I feel blue, I watch it and laugh until I almost pee myself.  There is just something so ridiculously funny about grown men spending their time choreographing a dance on treadmills in a high school gym.  Can anyone say, none of these guys has ever gotten laid?  This video was so hilarious that OK Go appeared live at the 2006 MTV Video Music Awards performing their treadmill routine for "Here It Goes Again".

If you really do want to laugh until you pee yourself, watch this : Jamie Lynn Reproduction Rap

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