Shock and Awe Marketing Tutorials in Plain English

Ten Tried and True Ways a Nobody Can Become Famous Via the Internet

Ever want to be famous?  We all secretly harbor delusions of gandeur, but luckily, the Internet has provided even the least likely celebrity candidate the ability to blog, film, podcast, tweet, blip, digg their way to pseudo-stardom.  So, if you want to be famous, take a page from one of the following totally ordinary people that are legends in your living room because of the big bad "inter-web."

(I've noticed something most of the following have in common... sex.  Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs anyone?  I'm thinking if you stay down at the bottom of this pyramid, you just might be successful on the Internet.)

1.       Chronicle your sex life and you just might get a book deal

a.       Tucker Max

If you are easily offended, don't go to this site, if not... please, go and enjoy the fruits of Tucker Max's debauched lifestyle which he so willing chronicles.  This is simply the most disgusting and grossly entertaining site on the Internet.  So entertaining, I had to buy and read the book, twice.  This guy is a pseudo Ivy League (Duke simply does not play in our League, but it is still a decent little education) educated lawyer that basically blogs about his drunken sexual exploits in the most hilariously despicable stories you will ever read.  He is the modern day Marquis De Sade with a pickled liver and insufferably sacrelicious ego.

My favorite post: The Famous "Sushi Pants" Story although The Absinthe Donuts Story comes in a close second.

The Book: I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell or you can get the autographed copy (however, having read the book and the blog and having seen CSI and learned about "transfer" I might not recommend it unless you have a black light and luminal.)

b.      Washingtoniene - Jessica Cutler

In 2004 while a staff assistant for Senator Michael DeWine, Cutler published a short-lived blog called Washingtonienne describing her life in Washington, D.C. which included graphic details of her sex life which eventually led to huge sex scandal (because she is an idiot that was chronicling her hooker job with politicians online and simultaneously pissing off the only friend she had that knew both about the hookering and the blog) and a spread in Playboy.

Archive of the blog that took Washington by storm: Washingtonienne

The Book:  Washingtonienn, The

The most damning piece of puerile, ridiculously whorish thing in her blog....

Cutler identified her lovers by their initials: "F = married man who pays me for sex. Chief of staff at one of the gov agencies, appointed by Bush."; "W = a sugar daddy who wants nothing but anal. Keep trying to end it with him, but the money is too good"; "RS = my new office BF with whom I am embroiled in an office sex scandal. The current favorite."

At the end of the list, she added: "Shit. I am fucking six guys. Ewwww." 

Her identity was revealed by the blog "Wonkette" in May 2004, which resulted in a scandal on Capitol Hill.

2.       Be a Geek and talk about totally geeky things in a condescending or negative way, even criticize your own employer, you just might get a book deal out of it.

a.       Robert Scoble

Robert Scoble (born January 18, 1965) is an American blogger, technical evangelist, and author. Scoble is best known for his popular blog, Scobleizer, which came to prominence during his tenure as a technical evangelist at Microsoft. He is married to Maryam Ghaemmaghami Scoble. He has two sons, Patrick, from a previous marriage, and Milan. He currently works for Fast Company as a video blogger. He is also the co-author of Naked Conversations: How Blogs are Changing the Way Businesses Talk with Customers with Shel Israel.

Basically Scoble was a total dick while at Microsoft often criticizing his own employer and praising its competitors (such as Apple Computer and Google). He was unusual in the level of access he offered to his users, which included publishing his cell phone number on his blog and urging people to contact him directly with issues, as well as accepting comments on his blog. His support for Microsoft in his blog, however, drew controversy and in February 2005, he became the first person to earn the newly coined moniker of "spokesblogger."

The Book: Naked Conversations: How Blogs are Changing the Way Businesses Talk With Customers

b.      Tech Crunch - Michael Arrington

J. Michael Arrington is a serial entrepreneur and the maintainer of TechCrunch, a blog covering the Silicon Valley technology start-up communities and the wider technology field in USA and elsewhere. Magazines such as Wired and Forbes have named Arrington one of the most powerful people on the internet.  In 2008, he was selected by TIME Magazine as one of the most influential people in the world.

3.       Be the first person on a social network and whore yourself out to everyone by saying you might be bi-sexual and you might get an VH-1 reality show

a.       Tila Tequilla

A breakout my space unsigned music star Tila's page has netted 31.5 million hits, has her own clothing line, a cell phone endorsement, and she has appeared on the cover of Stuff Magazine as well as Maxim.  And she even got an MTV show out of it.  Tila was basically one of the first members of MySpace and actually helped it grow its use and membership in the early days.

She is known for her appearances in Stuff, Maxim, Time, Penthouse, her role as host of the Fuse TV show Pants-Off Dance-Off and her position as the most popular artist on MySpace (according to page views) as of April 2006.  Eventually landing her a reality TV show where she explores her bi-sexuality in A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila and A Shot at Love II with Tila Tequila.

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Ever wonder what Tim O'keef of Spider Jucie thinks about me, Black at SEO, SEO and well, technolgy in general?  This is... besides the comment where David Gibbons said  my advice would "Google would break" my favorite comment ever from one my favorite other REnet bloggers and literally the first REnet blogger I ever read (bet you didn't know that, Tim, did ya?).

In response to: Is Mary McKnight a Black Hat SEO? Comment from: : Tim O'Keef

Mary-

One thing  I love about SEO & the net is that we the SEO'ers have created our own labels. Of course Google has helped us all to create a vocabulary that serves their purpose. The reality is that white, grey , black are made up words that in the end are meaningless. Create enough sites of white, grey and black matter and one realizes that these three words are not very useful.

I think most start off delusional in their first SEO efforts. They want to do Google right, as if that would make Google like them. The only thing Google is motivated the most by is in that right column of the results. That's what G likes.  Other than that, one's "white hat" effort might dissapoint. The best comparision that I can think of is the green horned salesperson's notion of "professionalism". Traditionally short hair, a suit, Proper English. etc. Naive.

Try a one size fits all sales approach and you will find a broke salesperson.You fit to the prospect and give the prospect what she wants. The sales vet also know that the prospect rarely reveals what they truely want. A conversation with a Jersey guy is much diferrent than with the Bible belt woman. I have been known to drop a few f bombs with a crass but loveable Jersey clients. This would certainly repel others in say the Bible belt. I learned this early in my sales career when I showed up  in a suit on a Sunday at a clients house right after Church. He was ready to go out yachtingA. My professionalism was killling his vibe! (Hey its LA). He told me to loosen up. My "professionalism" was hurting my rapport with my client.

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While Google's algorithm is complex and has over 100 separate criteria for ranking web pages, there are really only 8 things you need to be concerned with when helping your real estate blog to show up on page 1 of Google. So, the following is your To Do List if you want top billing on the most used search engine on earth.

1. Use keywords in link text. When you link to other internal pages on your site make sure you use keyword rich anchor text that describes the page to which are linking. You also want to make sure that when other sites link to your real estate blog, they are using descriptive anchor text and not just the name or your site or "click here."

EXAMPLE:

Anchor text is the textual content in a link. The more descriptive and keyword rich the anchor text, the more relevancy and value that backlink. For example, a link that reads: real estate blogs and real estate training to RSS Pieces is actually more valuable than a link that reads RSS Pieces or Click Here.

Read also: How to build quality backlinks to your real estate blog

2. Use keywords in your title tag

According to a panel of SEO experts assembled by SEOmoz a keyword rich title tag is the most important factor in search ranking factors. The panel agreed that keyword use in the title tag is of exceptional importance.

What kind of things do you want your title tag to have in it and what should you avoid?

Your title tag should have your farm area(s) and a term related to real estate like "home," condo," or "real estate." You should avoid your name, your company name, some cutesy blog title and even your domain name (unless it too is keyword rich). Why? Simple, you only have so much space available and you need to load whatever space you have with those keywords... don't waste a single character on a word you don't need.

Read also: Real Estate Blog SEO Tip: Keyword Use in Title Tag

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I have a secret potion for making people listen and recall whatever boring thing I have to say.  It's the power of the one liner.  Anytime I meet someone, speak at a convention, hold a webinar or write a piece for a magazine, blog or even an email, I always make sure I say something that will make them think, laugh or be dazed in shock.  I often go for something witty, insightful, racy and on point.  That seems to work best for me.  This little trick can help you to craft other people's perception of you as "smart" and "funny." And who doesn't want to be around someone "smart" and "funny?"  We all love to be entertained and made to think, so crafting a handful of smart, witty phrases or comebacks to common questions and or situations you might run into in your life or business is a wise move.  Ideally, these witicisms should be your own creation, personalized to the situation, but you can always borrow from historical or famous quotes when in a pinch.

Resource: Wiki Quote

Example of witty one liners used in posts:

Is Mary McKnight a Black Hat SEO? (read the disclaimer at the bottom)

How Billy Lightened Up Queen Elizabeth with One Liners

This tactic is actually age old and often used by Shakespeare.  Shakespeare wrote plays that both the Queen and the common people came to see so he needed to make sure that he got in at least one good one liner in each and every scene.  You might recall the line in Romeo and Juliet, "Get thee to a nunnery."  (For those not following along with Cliff Notes or those who slept through high school English). This line was funny at the time because of the second meaning of a nunnery as a whorehouse.  It was a memorable and racy line - basically, a "take-away" that audience members could take back and repeat in their daily lives.  It kept people wanting to come back for more of the iambic pentameter (seriously, have you read that phrase since high school?) this Billy Shakespeare kid was selling.

You want to give people a "take away" from an encounter with you and since you are not Paris Hilton that can freely distribute Herpes Simplex X (yes, I just typed that) to your circle of influence, settle on a good one liner.  Craft them based on the following criteria:

1.       Consider common situations you might use a one liner to diffuse and awkward situation, lighten the mood or simply seal a deal

2.       Consider your personality.  If you have a dark sense of humor or are flirty or just boldly brilliant and witty make sure your one liner compliments your personality.  (One quick disclaimer to the men out there- unless you are supremely confident and already know you can pull off "flirty" stay away from that one- you can come off as supremely creepy.)

3.       Start with at about 5 really well crafted lines.  Over time as you encounter new and exciting situations that just roll over and beg for a one liner, add to your library.

Example of one liners used in posts:

Victoria's Secret: "When I was in college I kissed another girl..."

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